Well, it's back to school season again and the kids are going to be involved in group sports, outside activities, league functions as well as playground games and friendly matches. If it's important for you to instill in your child the qualities of a champion while having them enjoy "healthy competition" then it is important for you to help your child understand how to win and lose with pride.
Children, as well as adults for that matter, enjoy and love to win at challenges they engage in with others! It makes them feel powerful and excited to know that they are better at something than others may be. It builds confidence knowing that you're good at something! And confidence is built on accomplishment. So what do you do when your child comes home crying because they lost a game? How do you help your little one understand that they cannot win at everything and there is going to be a time that they lose! This can be a challenging situation for any parent. But it could also be a time to teach them valuable lessons for life. My answer to this is simple! It's the way it's approached. You see, show them that they never lose! Instead they learn! As a parent, coach, mentor or teacher we must find the ways to make our children feel empowered even when they may not.
After teaching martial arts for over 27 years I found that children respond best to praise as opposed to reprimand or put downs. It's important to let them understand that the objective of playing the game is to play the game to the best of their ability. In our karate classes we play games and have team challenges as well as tournaments and group drills that involves first place, second place and so on. We have discussions and mat chats in regards to winning and losing. We teach the students to look at losing in a different light. Instead of focusing on the negative of losing we focus on the positives of learning! We help the students understand that there is a lesson to learn in "why" they didn't come in first. Do they need to work harder as a team? Do they need to push themselves to the next level? Do they need to move faster or focus more? These are lessons that only come from not winning. It creates a chance for them to change and improve and come in first the next time. This builds confidence and encourages growth.
We also focus on the fact that without a second place winner, there would never be a first place winner! Isn't it better that a child feels like they took part in something as opposed to being taken apart because they didn't win? If you ask any kid after a baseball game how they did, they could easily say "We won!" with a victory cheer while their head is held high, but if they don't win they usually have their head down in despair and they say with a defeated attitude, "We lost"! If you let them focus on the fact that they lost it doesn't create an opportunity to learn. Instead ask them if they came in first or second. Remind them that they did not lose but that they came in second! Coming in second creates a sense of pride even if they did not come in first and they can focus on learning instead of losing! After all there is only a small difference between a gold medalist and a silver medalist. The silver medalist worked very hard to get where they were and second place is nothing to be ashamed of. When you give empowering lessons to children they grow up feeling a sense of pride even when they fail to come in first. The human race has always been in competition with each other and healthy competition is a great way to to push yourself to become even better then you once were. Focus on the positive and develop a winning attitude even when you come in second!
Your Neighborhood Martial Art's Instructor, Renshi Adam McCauley, Go No Sen Karate, Blue Mt. Plaza, Welcher Ave, Peekskill, NY 10566 914.734.2461 www.gonosen.com
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