The job description of a parent is ever-changing and certainly nothing short of a full-time position. Every day there are a
multitude of responsibilities to juggle and new challenges can emerge quickly. As a result, we often spend a good deal of time focusing on the obstacles that accompany parenthood. While it is perfectly natural to seek support around difficult issues it is also crucial to take the time to step back reflect on the big picture. This season provides the perfect opportunity for some child-centered reflection.
One simple way to gain perspective is to pay particular attention to your tone of voice and word choices when interacting with your children. Most of us find it hardest to use the manners and respect we would naturally employ in the “real world” within the comfort of our own home. So, parents may end up modeling patterns of
communication that are not ideal and sending the message that their children are not respected. An easy tip is to make an effort to say thank you to your
children whenever possible. An added bonus is to elaborate by explaining how their actions have a positive impact. For parents of older children, this may cause a chuckle or strange look but the
message will get through just the same.
Another approach is to take some time to think about your child’s individual strengths, the things that set them apart from others and truly make them shine. For some this is a talent or skill, for
others it is a personality trait such as empathy or passion for a specific area of interest. As parents we can become caught up in the things we feel our
children need to improve or work on and may miss out on enjoying and
appreciating their innate gifts. Having direct conversations with your children about what you admire in them is a wonderful way to open lines of
communication while providing the foundation for healthy self-esteem and self-confidence.
Finally, when you are involved in an activity with your child, even if it is as mundane and ordinary as a car ride or homework session, try your hardest to see things through their eyes even if just for a moment. This is a huge undertaking because it requires us to abandon all of our expectations, judgments, and interpretations and simply join our
children in their experiences. Shifting our own thoughts to the things that likely run through the minds of our son’s and daughter’s can provide a great deal of insight and an even deeper level of appreciation.
Obviously, these suggestions will not make a dent in the various parental duties that present themselves each day, but they may allow you to approach things a bit more gently and with a broader perspective regarding your children. When they are born we are handed a precious bundle to care for and while they are incredibly resilient it is important to continue nurturing them despite our sometimes fast paced lives.
Dr. Stephanie O'Leary and Dr. Toni Tarnell are co-directors of Premier Psychology Services located in Mt. Kisco. They provide evidence-based strategies in a normalizing and nurturing environment to help children and families overcome the struggles they face. They also offer neuropsychological and psychoeducational assessment services. Please call 914-244-9400 for more information.
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