The holiday season is often a magical time for our little ones. What better time to reinforce the rock stars of good manners? What is sweeter than a child saying Yes, Please or No, Thank You? Reinforcing the magic words is a simple, free gift we can give our children that will last forever. Teaching children early to say “yes, please” or “no, thank you” gives them the opportunity to make it a habit like brushing teeth or reading before bed.
Kindness goes hand in hand with good manners and often times that means being mindful of different situations. This holiday season is a great time to introduce showing kindness to others: holding doors, carrying packages, volunteering time, or donating to a local charity. Kids can be a part of this because they want to be helpful.
Kind words and a kind attitude are social tools we provide. There is a link between respect and good manners. Etiquette author Letitia Baldrige shares a strong opinion on the value of manners training. In "Manners for the Modern Child," she reports teaching good manners to children to help them develop self-esteem and self-confidence. Baldrige links manners with kindness and good human relations. Much of her advice promotes taking advantage of teachable moments, including the following instructions:
- Advise children of behavioral expectations ahead of time.
- Point out to children observed acts of kindness and manners.
- Admit your mistake if a child catches you using bad manners; discuss other ways you could have handled the situation.
According to the National Association of Elementary School Principals, lack of good manners is a growing problem in classrooms and playgrounds. It addressed the widespread problem of disrespect in a "Good Manners" report to parents. Tips for adults interested in improving children's social behavior included the following:
- Stress to children the importance of treating others the same way they like to be treated.
- Help children understand the harm caused by thoughtless, unkind words and actions.
- Role-play difficult situations for children in order to demonstrate appropriate responses.
- Establish a politeness policy for basic manners.
- Teach children the importance of thinking of others; write thank-you notes.
It is such a busy time of year and so much of what we do as parents revolves around our children’s happiness. It is an ideal time to give children the experience of being kind to others. So start with the magic words and go from there. What makes good manners? Practice.
My wishes to you for a joyous holiday season and a happy new year.
Jeanne Doorley
Etiquette Advantage
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