New Year’s Resolution. Too much pressure. Who needs it!? Usually I don’t bother because I feel badly I when I don’t keep it. This year, though, I am ready to admit I see the upside of jump starting a new habit and here’s mine for 2012: to use the dining room and the good plates once a month. I am clearing off the dining room table (I think it is a dining room table – there are chairs around it).
Last year I read The Family Dinner by Laurie David. Our schedules never worked well for a family dinner when my kids were very young, and I bet many of you find the same is true. I usually ate while standing: waiting to be asked for things. Freshly encouraged, I tried to have family dinner once a week (usually on the weekend). Honestly, it was a disaster. I got up and down from my chair so often - for milk, apple juice, ketchup and, inevitably, a towel for a spill - that I wondered why bother. I seemed to think this experiment ended with all of us staying seated and eating together. Per the book’s advice, the dinner drink became a water pitcher on the table so I didn’t have to get up. We worked on our small talk skills. Sometimes, small talk was detoured with ‘hey you nasty old jerk’ or ‘how do you feel about being stupid, Stupid?’ (The kids said this, not me). I had high expectations: I thought my family would readily embrace this new normal. This did not happen. We plodded along weekend by weekend and it became enough of a habit that the kids would ask if I was sitting down.
So this year I am acting on an idea fueled by Peg Hanson, a local resident. She said when her kids got older she would use the good china and request they come dressed (e.g., neat outfits, hair brushed) to the dinner table. When they protested, she said, “it will be good for you.” Peg said she did this so that her kids wouldn’t be intimidated when they went to events, restaurants or weddings. They could view the place setting in a familiar environment, learn to wash the family dinnerware and count the silver (brilliant! I need to do this! I am down to four spoons).
If our kids are comfortable in all kinds of settings, they can focus on the conversation, the event or maybe a mealtime job interview. We teach them long division, how to tie their shoes, not to talk during the movie. Why not teach them to be comfortable with their elbows off the table and knowing which for fork is used first? Nobody’s perfect. A habit takes practice. Just like good manners. I would love to hear what you do to give your kids an advantage. Please keep me posted at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
Happy 2012! Thank you for reading!
By Jeanne Doorley, Certified Etiquette Consultant and owner of Etiquette Advantage LLC
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