It is 11 degrees outside. We are starting our first day of being “cooped” up. Like chickens, we squawk and peck at each other until we find our own place in the coop and then we settle down. It is still novel and new to bunker down. The girls and I plan a dinner, light a fire and watch family movies. Let’s just camp out in one room and be together. Yeah! At the beginning of the day this is a fabulous idea. We are so excited that we begin this immediately. We decree a pajama day. Aaahh!
So we are in our coop – the family room – and we slowly go back to ourselves. The idea of being together all day in front of the T.V. and the fire is flawed. We are creatures that need our own space. So we start to peck at each other – for any minor infraction. The girls begin to notice that I am unwilling to cook anything but soup or Annie’s mac and cheese. I begin to notice the incredible amount of toys with minuscule parts that are carpeting the floor. An arm blocking the television is a call to arms from the rest of us. Our camaraderie is breaking down. It is only the beginning of winter: we need to make it through at least April. There are going to be days of frigid weather and snow days. On Christmas Eve I made them stand outside because they were so excited I felt that the cold would mellow them out. I can’t do that on an eleven degree day as easily.
I asked for a suggestion from my friend Danielle who immediately gave me the most brilliant advice. Separate corners. Everybody needs to find a separate area of the coop. Move it out and separate for a while. Do your own thing. I have tried this when we are all about to blow up and it works beautifully. I thought everyone would protest but as it turns out we were all just looking for a reason to move on. Blame Mommy! The TV goes off and we move away.
In these cold weather days of togetherness it is easy to forget the common courtesy of personal space. It is not just the three foot diameter around our person but also a state of mind. In Japan where there is a high population density, personal space is highly valued. It is sometimes common courtesy to not make eye contact in public, to not notice every little thing. Sometimes the kids don’t go out at school. Cooped up etiquette perhaps is that old pre-school song with a twist “This is my place/this is my space/only for me/…so beat it” Just being aware of it and making our kids aware of it, is sometimes enough for everyone to chill out. When chilling out is just not enough then find some time to read a book, write in a journal or do a puzzle. After an hour that meeting back for a game of Sorry or Uno is fun again. Thank you for reading.
By Jeanne Doorley, Certified Etiquette Consultant and owner of Etiquette Advantage LLC
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