As I stated in the last article--where do you start?? I needed HELP!! LOTS of HELP!!! So, we began with the yellow pages, which led us to several adoption agencies in Manhattan. We had our first interview in September 1999 with an agency that was well known and had a great reputation. The interview was HORRIBLE. It was a degrading, humiliating, offensive experience. They judged us on everything and asked us questions that no one should ever be asked. We were horrified!! We never stayed to complete our interview. During the “5 minute break” we went outside for some “air” and went straight home.
A month later, on a vacation in Vermont, I flipped through the phone book. (Very few agencies had web sites back then, not like today!) I discovered our HOME!!! Friends In Adoption. Their slogan: “Building families through compassionate adoption”. I called them at once! They could not have been sweeter, and sent us an information packet in the mail; it was waiting for us upon our return. I tore open the packet with great excitement but fear--would it be just like the others? The informational packet was amazing and full of hope, love, beautiful photographs, wonderful stories of warmth and families!
The next morning I called FIA , where a delightful woman named Dawn answered the phone. I asked her the only thing I could think of. “How do we get started?” And she said “You already have- by wanting to become a parent.” I broke down in silent tears. HOME, I thought, I have found home.
Dawn, as it turned out, was the founder of the agency. The FOUNDER was ANSWERING THE PHONES!!!!! She explained that all potential clients come to a “get acquainted workshop.” It was 3 days of meetings and informational sessions to go over every detail of how their agency works, and step-by-step process in becoming adoptive parents--all in a BEAUTIFUL Victorian B&B with gorgeous rooms, scrumptious meals and incredible views. But one thing was missing--no questions about US! They did not ask us one single question. Rather as we participated in the 3-day workshop, FIA was casually evaluating us to see if we would be the kind of parents they could work with, and feel good about introducing to the birth mothers who contacted them. All in all, it was all about love and becoming a family. We met so many delightful and equally nervous parents-to-be. They made us feel welcome, wanted and safe.
We had an individual meeting with counselors so that we could ask any questions, and they could find out how we were and if we were enjoying the weekend. Dawn was our counselor. She welcomed us, grasped both my hands, and said, “We NEED YOU!!!” Yup, we were Definitely HOME.
Friends in adoption, Founder Dawn Smith-Pliner : www.friendsinadoption.org
By Kim Bjorge, Photographer, Potter, Wildlife Rehabilitator and Croton Mom
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