Relaxation is a state that most of us are continually in pursuit of each with varying rates of success. As parents, there are certainly times when we wish we could magically wave a wand of relaxation and calm over our children allowing them to settle into bed, shift from one task to another, or begin homework. While caregivers are often quite skilled at identifying events and activities that lead our children to be energized and even a bit out of control, it can be more challenging to hone in on the grounding forces that reel our little ones back.
There are many well researched relaxation techniques that are easily applied to a young crowd. For example, breathing exercises are known to help one’s body shift gears, ward off tension, and slow down. In order to make use of this quick and easy strategy, try to set aside a few minutes when your child is relatively calm and introduce the concept of thoughtful breathing. Take turns filling your abdomen (or “belly” depending on the child’s age) with air and then exhaling through your mouth. You can make different sounds while doing so. Try to see if your child can slow their breath and then attempt to link the exercise with a common activity, such as taking a deep breath before jumping into the pool or blowing out birthday candles. Once you have taught this skill and paired it with an easy to remember cue, you can prompt your child to use their breathing exercises in any setting. In most cases, the deep breaths are equally helpful for parents and caregivers!
Another thing to consider is that children often require more time to shift away from high intensity activities. Here, rather than attempting to wrangle kids that are loud, hysterically laughing, or running through the house, think about gradually slowing down the pace of their activities so the gap between where they are and where you want them to be narrows. This can be accomplished by joining their play or conversation and then lowering your voice, dimming the lights, or challenging them to move in slow motion. These actions usually serve to de-escalate things and, in my experience, this approach is very successfully particularly with children under 6 years of age.
Please stay tuned for next month’s article that will introduce more strategies to help older children relax more easily. And remember, as with anything, practice makes perfect so take some time to de-stress and hopefully your sons and daughters will follow your lead.
Dr. O'Leary is a clinical psychologist who specializes in conducting neurodevelopmental and neuropsychological assessments with children (age 2-adolescence). She also provides cognitive-behavioral therapy for children with various attentional, behavioral, emotional, and developmental struggles. She can be reached at (845)-313-9049.
