There’s nothing like having a child and becoming a Mom so that every insecurity, imperfection and negative belief about yourself that you have managed to bury in the depths of your psyche and body can rise again to begin to torture you. You look at your precious little ones and begin to see your glory as well as your imperfections. All those unwanted feelings from the past begin to rear their ugly heads and you wonder,” what happened? I thought I was over this”. Yes this is the curse and the beauty of parenthood. Motherhood gives you the opportunity to, yet again; heal those old wounds of childhood. You may ask: Is my child meeting all his milestones? Is my child happy? Do I have him in the right school? And if he isn’t, what will I make that mean about me? Am I not a good enough mother? Am I unworthy to have a healthy child? Is this my fault? Could I have done something different? And the list goes on and on. Not to mention that 150% of your energy is spent on your child or children. You may begin to ask yourself “What happened to me? You even wonder who your partner is. Where did he come from?
Not to worry. The solution to this dilemma is self care. I am not talking about just a manicure and pedicure once a month (although that’s great too) but the kind of care that releases you from the pain of the past and from the negative beliefs and insecurities that bind you from experiencing joy in raising your children. Begin by taking these first four steps to self care.
Initial Four Steps towards Ultimate Self Care
- Take time each day to sit with yourself. Make this a sacred time just for you. Perhaps you light a candle, have inspirational music playing. It’s nice to have pictures of loved ones or spiritual icons and meaningful objects nearby. This is your time to relax. You can make this in the morning before the children get up or at night when they are sleeping. Perhaps while they are at school.
- Keep a journal handy to journal any unwelcome feelings or events that may be robbing you of your serenity. Putting them down on a piece of paper takes these negative feelings out of your mind and body and onto a piece of paper. This makes it easier to let them go.
- If it feels comfortable, close your eyes and try to empty your mind. Let the “to do” list in your mind go and relax. Just ten minutes will ground you and you will see how you will be able to tackle that list with renewed energy.
- Breathe. It’s very important to breathe. Don’t forget to breathe.
Go ahead. What do you have to lose? You are worth ten minutes a day and I guarantee you will feel rejuvenated.
Catherine Anesi, LCSW specializes in helping people transform their lives. She leads groups and retreats that aide in transformation. If you would like to contact her please email her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
